If you will.
It is a blustery winter morning.
The kind of fine morning that you spend taking your time getting going.
You are savoring your morning coffee and contemplating your day.
The sun is just beginning to shine on the snow covered ground.
The world seems quiet and peaceful this morning.
That is until you look at of your window and see your crazy neighbor dressed in this:
She is crawling through your backyard in the snow, dropping f-bombs like a seasoned trucker, begging and pleading for a this little tiny runt of a dog to come to her.
She is waving dog biscuits in the air wildly while the small dog just stares at her like the lunatic she is.
Suddenly, a larger dog comes darting through the open gate of your neighbor's fence challenging the small dog to a game of chase.
Your absurd neighbor starts chasing the big dog, screaming more obscenities that just make you wince.
The big dog runs back into their yard in a panic, she entices the small dog with a biscuit and disappears as quickly as she showed up in your backyard.
Yes, that was my morning.
Winnie somehow escaped under our fence into our neighbors yard who owns a pitbull.
Yes, I said pitbull.
Their dog is old and quite docile with humans, but about 5 years ago, our dog Bailey escaped one fine morning and ran up their front steps and the same pitbull put her head through a glass panel next to their front door when she saw my dog sitting on her front porch.
Yes, I said put her head through a glass panel.
That monster could eat my little Winnie for a snack, so you can imagine my panic when I was getting ready for work, looked out the window and didn't see her.
Then I caught a glimpse of her through the fence in the backyard of said pitbull and nearly passed out.
Way too stressful a way to start the day.
A few minutes after Winnie was on lockdown in the house, I ran outside to start the car and let it warm up.
As I was running back into the house, there was tons of smoke billowing from the back of our neighbor's house.
Yes, I said tons.
Way more than is normal for a dryer vent, so I asked my daughter to take a look.
She suggested that we go tell them, but as I was still in my pink robe, I opted to dress first.
Then I realized that running next door would make Ryan late for school and me late to another meeting I was attending today.
This was a moral dilemma much bigger than myself this early in the morning, and I decided it must just be a snow covered dryer vent, so off we went about our business.
My daughter scolded me in the car, said I wasn't nice, and I told her that what really isn't nice is a nosy neighbor that bugs people.
Especially one that was just running around outside half dressed and cursing.
And clearly I was right, because when I got home from work tonight their house is still standing.
So as I see it, I saved myself from looking like a bigger jackass than I already did.
So how was your morning?