Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Where I'm At

On Sunday morning I kissed my son goodbye and will not see him again until the last week of July.
It was impossibly heartwrenching as I have never been away from him for such a long period of time in all the 16 years I've been his mom.
He boarded a plane alone yesterday morning bound for Florida (oh, my nerves!) where he will spend 2 weeks with his paternal grandparents.
This weekend we head back to Virginia to celebrate my grandfather's 90th birthday.
Early on Monday morning I will kiss my daughter goodbye as she heads to North Carolina to spend the rest of the month with my mother and grandfather, her brother flying there to meet up with them after his 2 weeks in Florida (alone again...oh, my word.)

I have been a nervous wreck about my son traveling alone, which I find ironic as my own mother put me on a plane alone to Europe for a month and to San Francisco (with plans to drive back home across the country) for a summer when I was pretty much the same age as my son is now.
But the world is different in 2011 than it was in 1990 or1992...and I'm sure you all agree with me on that.

 I am thrilled for my children that their summer will be filled with fun, sun and time with my mother, whom they both just adore, instead of sitting in the house all day watching tv or playing video games while I am working.
But I would be lying if I didn't tell you that it breaks my heart at the same time.

Six weeks after they were each born I kissed them goodbye and headed back to work.
It has never bothered me that I am a working mom, I am a self motivated woman who has always intended to be independent.
But lately I have been feeling a little different.

Maybe it's knowing that my son will be off to college in two short years.
My daughter is growing up faster than I can believe and every day has changed in some little way that never ceases to amaze me.
I see these differences, I feel my own mortality and I almost feel like I am racing the clock to have the time to have them to myself before life just happens and these moments are lost forever.

As I sit here in the beautiful home I had always dreamed of owning, two nice cars in the driveway, photo albums filled with pictures of vacations and weekend getaways that being a working mom has afforded, I find myself longing for the one thing I cannot buy.

Time.

It is crazy that this week so happened to be one that I needed to work overnights, which puts me home all day with my best girl.
So on very minimal sleep, I have been trying to make this last week before she leaves me the best week ever.
Yesterday, we stood in the ocean together holding hands as we jumped over waves then shared a picnic lunch in the sand.
Today we went out for pizza, to the library, ice cream shop and a local museum.
The next two days we'll be back at the beach all day soaking up the sun and the time with each other before we head off for a weekend filled with family and love.

I will try not to cry when I kiss her goodbye.
And I will try to not to cry when I talk to them on the phone.
You can be sure I will be counting down the days until my little family is back home together, under one roof again.

5 comments:

  1. Oh Eleanor, I feel the heaviness in this post. Let's tweet and email a lot to pass the time.... xxxx

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  2. I am sad for you! I cannot even imagine what it will be like when my boys are old enough to have adventures like your children are about to have.

    Just try to remember how independent you were at their age and how much fun they will be having!! I am sure you passed along your independence to them and they will be completely fine and happy all summer.

    That being said...its okay to cry in your pillow each night- you can tell us. We will all still love you!!

    HUGS!!!!!!!!!

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  3. Girl, I am feeling for you...poor thing...
    As frustrated as I can be w all the craziness that a toddler, hubby and two dogs bring to my house...if they weren't here..even for a night or two..I would go insane w the silence.
    Lets grab a glass of vino next week....and hit a shop or two?
    C

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