I'm having an identity crisis.
Transitioning from full time working mom to stay at home unemployed mom is harder than I thought.
I thought for sure that gathering up my nerve and bravado to say the words "I'm quitting" was going to be the hardest part.
As it turns out, it was the easiest.
I only stayed home for the minimum 6 weeks after each of my babies before heading back to work.
When my oldest was born, the boutique I ran was relocating and even though it had only been a couple weeks since his birth I toted him in his carry seat almost daily to help with the move.
I like to work.
I just recently realized that I had come to hate my current position and resent the way it tapped into my personal life.
When Hurricane Irene came tearing up the coast towards us, I had to work the day of her imminent arrival.
I watched in awe as people shopped for clothing as if it was any other day.
Arguing about coupons, knocking stacks of folded clothing off of tables, and then making their way to the cash registers asking the cashiers "Will they let you go home early?"
All the while I wanted to scream at them, "If you weren't here then MAYBE we could go home!"
I was dumbstruck that the mall I worked in insisted they wouldn't announce a "closing" and getting my boss to authorize an early close was like pulling teeth.
When my boss finally gave the ok the rain was already torrential and customers were actually complaining that we were closing.
My main concern became getting the kids who worked for me out of there and home.
Then I had to face almost an hour drive home SOUTH which was where the storm was coming from.
That was the turning point for me.
I felt like a puppet whose strings were manipulated by my employer and employees when they should be in the hands of my husband and children.
But now that the clock only dictates the times my husband and kids come and go, and every morning instead of thinking:
"What the hell am I going to wear today?"
My brain scrambles with:
"What the hell can I do all day in order to feel wholly satisfied and know I am contributing to this household?"
I love having the time to cook and bake and keep my home in order and I know that matters most to my family.
But deep inside the ambitious, working girl is wondering what's around the corner.
blazer: vintage, thrifted
heels: thrifted jcrew