Wednesday, May 23, 2012

There And Back



It's been 10 days since I last wrote.
I'm not sure what I even want to write about now.
***
I sat in Pop's rocker on the screened porch he loved so much and thought about what made him so special.
He saw the beauty in every little thing around him.
He was grateful for everything he had, whether major or minute.
He loved this life for all it offered ~ the good and the bad.
He was never a glass half empty type...his glass was always more than half full.
***


Through this ordeal I realized how fortunate I am.
One brother stepped in and helped my son when I could not.
He and my sister in law comforting my daughter when I could not be by her side at that moment to do so.
The other brother and sister in law lightening my load in every way possible.
A sister who kept checking in to see how I was.
***
I witnessed a renewed sense of family as arms reached out to console whomever was struggling.
Everyone forgetting about their own sadness for a moment to support the one who needed it more.
Unselfish love and comfort.
An unintentional tribute to a man who provided those two things without fail.


And yet, surrounded by these outpourings of so much love and beauty, I cried.
They were selfish tears of hurt and ache simply because I know I will never see that smiling face again.
Never hold those hands or hear that voice one more time.
I cried for me.
***



13 comments:

  1. I can only imagine what you're going through. My thoughts are with you.

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  2. I'm so sorry, Eleanor. I'm sending a little prayer to you and yours tonight.

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  3. Beautiful words... I mean really beautiful... And yes, you will see his face and hold his hands, not just yet...

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  4. It's OK to cry, to grieve. Look after yourself and your loved ones. You know I'm here. xxx

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  5. It takes a lot of time Eleanor and it is a completely different experience for each person! When my father died five years ago I was beside myself with grief...take all the support you need and surround yourself with the love of family and friends:)
    ~Anne xx

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  6. Even through the sadness I physically feel in your writing, I can imagine all of these thoughts being poured out of you with a smile, even if it feels like a small smile right now. Your family sounds so wonderfully special. Lean into the warmth of that unconditional love.

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  7. Praying for you and your family.

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  8. Dear Eleanor,

    So sorry to hear of the death of your father. Such a great loss this must be for you and your family.

    It's good to hear you and your family are such a comfort for each other.

    Thinking of you!

    Liefs van Madelief x

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  9. crying is no bad thing....it's good to feel and good to let it go....one day at a time.....take care of yourself....

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  10. Thinking of you. Don't worry about us or posting - we will be here whenever you are ready to return. Be kind and patient with yourself.

    - Tessa

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  11. A beautiful tribute, Eleanor to your beloved father. Sounds like your family is very close and so strong and so together.

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  12. selfish tears are part of mourning the ones we love and have lost. So sad for you that you won't see his face on this place any longer...peace comes from knowing that he will see yours for eternity.

    Thinking of you often...and hope that we can have a girls day...sometime soon when you are feeling up to it. Maybe pedi's somewhere fabulous? My "walking boot" broken foot thing is behind me...so I can get around good now, lol.
    Best
    C

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  13. I hope things are getting better these days. I can't imagine what you are going through. But happy you have some amazing people to help.

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